Stop Existing and Start Living: The 700,000 Hour Audit for High-Performers

0:01 Welcome to the coaching equation brought to you by empire partners and hosted by Ryan Lang and Brooke Bishop. Our mission is to help you build a profitable and impactful coaching business by cutting through the noise and all the expert advice to deliver tried and true actionable insights that you can deploy in your business today. Each week, we bring on expert guests, unveil cutting-edge tactics and strategies, and share the secrets and stories that we've gathered from working with the most successful coaching companies on earth. Welcome back to the Coaching Equation Podcast.

0:41 I'm your host, Ryan Lang, CEO and co-founder of Empire Partners, alongside my co-founder and co-host, Brooke Bishop. Welcome back, my friend. Hello again. What's up, stranger? What's up, stranger? Oh, man. You know, we we had a little bit of time passed, but the the impetus to do this episode was no less than it was when we announced that we were going to do it last fast five for Friday that we were together a few weeks back, a few shows back. Yeah. We talked through really this whole idea of Ed Milet's phrasing around quality time remaining and the dynamics between two of the men that you were walking through life with in that particular moment.

1:31 Go back to that short form episode if you haven't listened to it to get a little bit of a pre-frame. But we promised we'd come back and do a bigger one because this is obviously a much bigger topic. And the fact of the matter is that the average person, we think, gets somewhere in the neighborhood of about 700,000 hours in their life. So the question is, at this point, what do you got left? None of us know. And we wanted to kind of take this episode to take, you know, to number one, walk through some frameworks on like, all right, when we actually unplug from the matrix for a minute long enough to remember that this life is finite.

2:16 Yeah. And we're truly faced with our mortality and we care about being intentional about our lives. And if you're listening to this podcast, I'm going to bet that you are intentional about that, that you do care. We wanted to kind of give some framework around how to sort of assess where you're at with that right now, how you can level it up and some of the sneaky things to be aware of. So with that said, you ready to dive in, my friend? Let's do it, man. Let's dig in. So first things first, I want to if you're listening to this right now, this would be a good time if you are in a place where you can grab a pen, sheet of paper, pencil, whatever, jot notes in your phone.

2:57 Now would be a good time to do that. I want to give four specific questions that will help you audit. Whether you're really, you know, living life or just kind of existing, waiting in the water right now. Four specific questions. Tee us up with number one, buddy. Yeah. So number one is where are your best hours actually going? Where are you actually spending your time? Right? So there's this concept of where, you know, where focus goes, energy flows. And it's, it's scary. I can't remember if we on the last one, we did the process of I think we did we talked about did we talk about opening up your cell phone and checking out your screen time?

3:41 I feel like we did. Maybe that was another conversation. Maybe. I've had so many. I don't know. It's all a blur, man. So one thing I would just encourage anybody to do, since Ryan already gave you the prompt to pull over, make sure you're not driving for this moment. But pull out your cell phone, go to your settings, go check out your screen time, and check out how much time you spend on your phone. or check out how much time you spend on social media or on, you know, the various apps that you have. It is crazy where we as humanity are spending the bulk of our time. And then when you back that up with, well, where do you wish you were spending your time?

4:22 And people say, you know, if I had an extra two hours a day, man, I'd work out. Or man, I'd go, you know, I'd go, I'd pray more. Or I'd go spend time in meditation or spend time with my family or my loved ones. The reality is the stats are scary, but when you really actually look at where people are spending their time, they're spending a whole hell of a lot more time than two hours a day on the stuff that when they really think about it, they're like, I actually don't even care about this crap. So true. Yeah. That's, it's so true. And I love the cell phone audit. The other thing that I would say is, I think that, you know, that there's, there's also the concept of, Well, you said it.

5:04 If I had an extra two hours a day. Biggest excuse I always used to get as a health and fitness professional, I don't have time. I don't have time to prep healthy meals. I don't have time to go to the gym. No, no, no, no, no. It was really interesting, actually, literally this morning, someone that we both know, very, very talented copywriter, Mike Samuels, who's also like a... very dedicated athlete guy is a freak, does ultra marathons and all kinds of crazy shit. Um, but you know, he posted something about this earlier today about how it's not about lack of time.

5:48 It's about lack of priorities. And I agree with that. I would take it one step further and also say that when we think about where we're actually spending our, our hours, we also have to look at our identity. Um, Because here's the reality. Like some people say that we'll spend time on the things that we, that are actually important to us. True. But we'll also spend time in the areas that, that most strongly align with our identity. It's like, for me. Uh, the, the gym is a non-negotiable. It is not, there is no question.

6:29 I don't wake up and wonder if I'm going to go. We're fucking going period. End of story. But that's part of that. Part of the reason for that is because that is literally part of my identity for most people. It is not. And it's one of the reasons that they struggle with it. And so I think it's one of the things that when you're looking at where you actually, when you're auditing your time and you're looking Look at that and compare and contrast it against who you believe you are and what you believe about yourself. And I promise you, you'll see a direct correlation there. Yeah, it's it's on the money. We used to say one of the strongest forces in the universe is our need to be congruent with our identity.

7:15 Yes. By the way, for those of you that are listening, you're like, I'm not congruent with my identity. Great. You got schizophrenia. Literally. Yeah. It's true because we are we will always do the activities of who we truly believe we are. If you believe you're lazy, guess what? Here you go. And this is just that whole concept of, of, uh, you know, identity, the science behind it and affirmations, incantations, conditioning, all those new beliefs, but it's the actions that give life to the identity and vice versa. They reflect each other. So I love that you, you brought in this piece up because yes, you, you have, since I've known you, I've, even when I believe that when you were throwing up, you still got your workout in.

7:59 Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty laced in there, man. It happened. One of the other things too that I want to mention about time is this. As you audit this, here's one of the biggest fallacies about time is the idea that, oh, I'm not going to audit my time because I know I'm busy. I know I'm not just fucking around all the time. So here's the thing. When we're actually talking about this concept of... the quality time that we have left and using it in a way that we believe would be commensurate with our beliefs around a best life for us.

8:41 How much time are you spending working? Like, I mean, you know, this is something I mean, dude, if you and I have talked about this ad nauseam, right? How much time do we allow ourselves to actually unplug and to say no? And I think that's one of those things is that when we're looking at where we're spending our best hours, if all of them are at work. I mean, look, nobody's here to judge, but you might want to just examine whether or not that actually makes up the best life that you're looking for.

9:22 Again, it's just an assessment. It's not good, bad. Yeah. And there's also seasons to everything too, right? Yep. 100%. There was actually one of our coaches. So not just one of our members, but one of our actual coaches who helps our clients, Chad Cooper. He wrote a book called Time is Not the Problem. Right. And so he has this whole concept around the rule of one 68. It's like every week we have 168 hours. The question then becomes where are they going? How are we playing them? And it also opens up another side of this thing, which, and I'm sure I'm, I'm certain you've experienced this. Right. But like we've had those moments where time seemed to stand still. It's like the same 60 seconds felt like 60 minutes.

10:06 Right. Yeah. Yeah. And there's been those other moments where it's like, holy crap, where did that hour go? It just evaporated. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So time is also not this fixed thing where it's like, hey, you need to allocate this specific amount of time to these specific to activities. It's not just the volume of time. It's also the quality and the level of presence. Yes. That piece of passion that comes into it that makes time almost. Yeah. like irrelevant, but the intention is so pure and it's so deep that magic happens. Yeah. That, that to me gets to the idea that, that time is truly qualitative and not quantitative the way that, that we believe.

10:49 Yeah. I love that. I love that. Okay. Um, so number two, second question is, Number two. So who is elevating you versus draining you, right? So do we have people who are fueling you or do we have people who are vampires? And how does that play into your world? So I know we've all had this happen. So I'm going to say the thing that should never be spoken. We've all had that client that we're like, dear God, I wish I could fire this client. If you're listening to this right now, it might be you. No, just kidding. But we've all had that vampire client, right? But we're like, where we compromised our values because we're like, man, they're either bringing in a certain amount of revenue or we felt obligated because they signed an agreement or because we have this belief that the client is always right.

11:41 And we just didn't set good boundaries. And it might not even be a client. This could be something totally separate in your world. But I know that we're all fully aware of there's people that give us energy and there's absolutely those people that take it. But as far as your take on it, right? Because I know you've got perspectives on this bad boy. Yeah, no, I mean, yes, 100% to that. And I would say this. Going through this exercise right now, when you're thinking about who elevates you and who drains you, here's another way to think about it. If you could spend more time with five people in your life who would those five people be?

12:25 If you could spend less time with five people in your life, who would those five people be? You're going to get your answer to who's elevating you and who's training you pretty fast. We can't hang out anymore, dude. We can't hang out. Right? I know. This is why you've been ducking me for fucking quiche for like weeks now. Oh my gosh. You sound so good right now, man. You know, this is one of those things though, like truly our experience in this life, like really you guys, regardless, we all know we're all built a little bit differently. Some people, it is like a necessity to be around people and be around people constantly.

13:06 Some people a little bit more of a lone wolf. But regardless, this life was really not meant to be lived solo. It wasn't. And whether you're talking about relationships or your business, the networking you do in business, your internal team... Like being conscious and cognizant of who you really want to play with. That's all within your that's all within your power. And I think a lot of times like I know personally, I need this audit frequently simply because it's my nature. I know the people that that naturally I sync with.

13:50 But it's in my nature to want to please others. It is. And I have to do this kind of an audit semi-frequently because I will tolerate some shit from people. Yeah. We have a high threshold for, for patients for sure. Indeed. And that there's, are you cool if I throw a little fuel on the fire? Yeah, I get it. Yo, I would almost encourage, well, I wouldn't almost, I'm going to encourage everyone to shift and play around with this question a little bit. Cause I know we, we, we, I put the preface of who elevates you versus who drains you. I would go another step too and go, what elevates you and what drains you. I don't know about you, but like in this last, I'd say 90 ish days, I had to turn off social media in terms of consuming social media.

14:37 Like 15 years ago, we turned off the news because guess what? There was never one freaking time where I went and watched the news where I walked away from it going, I feel amazing and I love my life. Every time I felt depressed and every time I felt like the sky was falling, every time I felt like an apocalypse was about to happen. Yep. But I mean, this gets down to the nitty gritty of does your bed elevate you or does it drain you? Does your pillow, does your the clothes that you wear, do you feel elevated in the clothing that you wear? I mean, you can take this pretty far and really look at what do you consume? Is it elevating your vibration or is it pulling you down? Right there. There's this dynamic of, um, you know, I've, I shared in the previous, uh, episode that you'd mentioned earlier, like I'm having a lot of come to Jesus moments as it relates to my dad and looking at like where his life is at, because he's at those last days where he, you know, he's probably got about a week left to live.

15:35 That makes you really start to look at things and go, am I really living? And am I feeling the things I want to feel every day? Because guess what? If you're feeling drained, that means you're dying each day versus are you feeling alive and living each day? So just kind of subtly just pump that into the ether of this because drained is dying. Living is you feel fucking amazing. Yeah. Just just some food for thought. I couldn't agree more with that. And honestly, that's actually kind of the idea of dying, you know, growing versus decaying is a perfect segue into question number three.

16:19 Well, number three is it has to do with our legacy impact, right? Like, what are we building now? Or are we maintaining, which is just a fancy way of saying surviving? Like, are you creating something or to your, to the word you just used, are you growing or are you dying? Cause yeah. There's not much in between. And when we look at, especially for just thinking in terms of ourselves, in terms of the people that are in our world of what we do here at Empire, we attract people. If you're listening to this right now, we already know you're the kind of person that's like, I'm a growth junkie. Like I am somebody who wants to grow, which is a fancy way of saying I am somebody who wants to live with fervor and intention and veracity.

17:01 Veracity? Veracity. Ryan's mom. Ryan's mom. Does that work? Virtuosity? No. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. But there's this piece of are we being intentional with like actually building something and optimizing and are we on this path of being greater, of doing greater, of like really reaching more people and living out a mission? Yeah. Or are we playing it safe where we're just trying to make enough to pay our bills where we're maintaining? It's not too much. It's like the Goldilocks syndrome. Yep. Like, I don't, Goldilocks to me is boring as fuck. Like. Amen. I want fiery hot or ice cold, man.

17:41 Like, comfortable. We can't, we cannot live out a mission if we're playing comfortable. So anyways, I'll step off my soapbox for a minute. No, you're spot on with that, dude. And I think that's one of the things is that we, any of us need that wake up call. And for all of us, it comes in different intervals in terms of when we need to get slapped around a little bit to go. Okay, you're really building right now? Or are you just kind of hanging out, maintaining? And by the way, one thing that I want to say about this is that when you start considering this and you start looking at like, okay, what am I really building right now?

18:22 And where are the areas of my life that I'm just kind of hanging out? Okay. I think one of the things to remember is that we're not saying, like going back to your comment earlier about seasons, we're not saying that that means that you've got to be redlining it all day, every day. That's not living your best life. But generally speaking, by and large, if you're not building something that's truly worthy of that word, legacy, when you think about that word, I love as you're journaling on this, what does that word mean to you?

19:02 What does legacy mean to you? What would... what would you have to do to leave something behind that would be worthy of carrying on or leave something behind that other people are going to get the benefit of? Because at the end of the day, that's really what we're talking about, right? It's, it's because if we're pursuing that, we're, whatever that is. And some of us, like, I mean, you know, you talked a little bit about Tony and this, you know, most recent, um, you know, uh, super long meeting where we're talking about trying to feed 2 billion people. Like, uh, most people that that's really big, right?

19:45 That's serious legacy. That's legacy on top of legacy. But, uh, Thanksgiving dinner is what it is. No shit. Yeah. No shit. I need a big table for that one. Yeah. But, you know, I think that's the concept to latch into here is that it's something that would truly be worthy of carrying on, of being beneficial to other people, you know, etc. Yeah. Well, there's some interesting pieces that weave into this because you brought up such an interesting point with identity, right? And then if we take the identity component and then we take another beautiful philosophical piece you put in the mix, and I agree with you wholeheartedly on it, by the way, if we were meant to be alone, I believe we'd all have our own little planets with us on it, nobody else around.

20:34 And that's, you can look at every religion. You could also go down the road of evolution. Like you can take any of those frameworks and that still comes to the same thing. If we were meant to be alone, we'd be on a planet somewhere hurling around somewhere solo. So now if we take identity, we take that we're supposed to be connected creatures. Well, if we wake up every single day and every single day is a gift and we have the chance to, or the opportunity or the choice to live or to decay, then. Like, yeah, it doesn't mean every single day that we've got to play that way, but we sure as shit better be doing four out of the week. Right? Like, if we're not winning four days out of the week, Houston, we got a problem. And so, then you weave in this concept of seasons.

21:16 The challenge, I think, for most people is they're not doing any of it intentionally. Like, for so many, it's like they get caught in this play of Groundhog Day of doing what they did yesterday. Oh, God, that was a good movie with Bill Murray. If you haven't seen it, Groundhog Day. Ned? Ned Ryerson? Yeah. But yeah, we have an opportunity to create and to build and to do some magical stuff. And I think so much of humanity has gotten caught in this trap of fucking surviving. You're not meant to survive. You know, it's I would actually argue, too, that is easier to go through the motions and just survive today than it's ever been. I mean, holy shit.

21:57 What we have available to us every day is hard to fuck it. Right. It is like it's harder to it's harder to go build and be that, you know, legacy chaser. Yeah. than it's ever been because we've got so many more distractions than we've ever had. And generally speaking, the things that we have to do just to survive are far fewer than they used to be. We don't have to go out and grow the food and pick it and shoot the deer and drag it home for dinner. Right. We can Instacart it and we can Instacart it while we got, you know, we're Instacarting our groceries that we don't have to go kill anymore.

22:46 Like while we've got YouTube on the PIP, you know, on our same cell phone. As I say something so vulgar, now I have to do it. See, I prefaced it. Just go there, man. You can literally be digesting and excreting the groceries while you're ordering groceries. Yeah. Yeah. Truth. It's fascinating that you bring this up. Now, this could be a whole other episode. There's more mental health challenges on the planet than ever before. Yeah. And the fascinating piece is, here's the reality. When you do hard shit, you feel amazing. Right. When you don't, you feel depressed. So when we look at the planet and we look at all this mental health, it's actually not even that they need more coaches or more therapy or better drugs.

23:32 We need more of the fucking planet doing hard shit so that they can feel amazing. But by the way, that starts with us. Amen. Yep. Completely. Championing other people do hard shit. That's why coaching is here, getting other people to do hard things, getting out of their comfort zone. But it starts with us and the way that it shows up for most of us, by the way, is prospecting for two hours a day or following up with that person that ghosted you or going in, uh, stepping onto a stage that you're really scared of, or it's going and telling, seeing somebody who's in need going, Hey, I'm actually here and I can help you. Do you want my help? So the way that hard shows up is different for all of us, but I can tell you this much, man, in the world of coaching, the amount of coaches we've helped over the course of two and a half decades between, and actually each of us, 50 years between the two of us, the hard stuff shows up as stuff that for now, you and I look at it and we go, man, that's easy.

24:26 But for many, it's hard. Well, and you know what? I mean, at the end of the day, I love that you give that nuance because it's chasing, it's being willing to lean into discomfort. You know, one of the... I actually just wrote about this yesterday. And I love the quote from Tim Grover that I'm going to paraphrase this. But it's essentially... If you think the price for winning is high, wait till they give you the bill for regret, for not going all the way.

25:08 And I think that's really true. We do need to choose the hard. And when we choose the hard, more often than not, that whole idea of like you can't if you here's here's like you want the life hack from this episode. Just literally, instead of trying to chart the course for all the different things, do something hard every day. Guarantee you there's almost no universe in which you will stay stagnant. It's impossible. Because every time you do something hard or something that's scary or something that's challenging or uncomfortable, you're stretching and breaking the current limits of growth that you've got right now.

25:52 And that, you know, I think this is a good way to kind of dovetail into number four when we sort of talk about, you know, what happens when we get uncomfortable and what happens when we are spending time with the right people and doing some of those things. We get to measure, you know, what we're measuring in question number four. Yeah. So number four has to do with achievement versus satisfaction. So it's what are you doing in order to achieve and what are you doing in order to feel satisfaction? Actually, you mentioned Tony Robbins a moment ago in that long ass meeting last week.

26:34 So one of the things that came up there was what he referred to as the science of achievement coupled with the art of fulfillment. Yeah. And it was a, he has a really interesting take on it. I'm sure he's probably got a podcast somewhere about this, but there's a whole piece of, look, we all can, can deconstruct and figure out what it takes to be successful. Like there's infinite books, there's infinite videos. There's, I mean, to achieve is actually not hard from a scientific standpoint. You do these activities, you get these results, voila, achievement. Yeah. Now, what he talked about is the ultimate failure is achievement without fulfillment.

27:17 So imagine you summit Mount Everest and you feel like that's all there is. Imagine you make your billion dollars and you feel like you've got nothing left to go for. The founder of Minecraft. I don't know if you've seen stuff on him lately. I haven't seen a bunch of stuff pop up on him. No. Do you know his story? No, not really. No, I'm not familiar. So the guy who created Minecraft, he got the whatever the company that came after bought him out. And I think he got paid his personal take after taxes and his cuts and all the thing was like $2.5 billion. Three months later, he was over the top depressed, medicated, completely recluse, like completely went internal.

28:01 He bought the most expensive home in L.A. He outbid Jay-Z and Beyonce and he lives in the house all by himself. Wow. That's the ultimate failure is achievement without fulfillment. Yeah. So there has to be this piece of like, okay, great. What am I doing? That's going to not only bring me the achievement piece, because we, we, we have to grow. Otherwise we're going to have problems, but we've got to be really mindful to couple that with, well, what's that art? of fulfillment or satisfaction, right? What's the art as it relates to us being grateful? What's the art for us to be present in the moment to when we look in our kids' eyes to not just be looking at their eyes, like, go get your fucking shoes because you got to get in the car.

28:41 But like, like, I love you and go get your fucking shoes. We got to get in the car. Right? So like... We've got a couple of the two as it relates. And I think this honestly, for me, and the one of the things that I feel so proud of with what we have within our, our mastermind and the people in our, our empire is we are, we do a really good job of traversing, like growing and doing the things to help grow the business, but also enjoying the ride. Yes. Yes. A thousand percent to that. And, I've been in this situation where I've gotten to the top of a mountain and kind of looked around and went, Hmm, okay.

29:26 In fact, I would say that was actually what really ended up leading me to... total eventual meltdown was just that I didn't, I didn't derive joy from, uh, and satisfaction and fulfillment from the process of seeking something great. It was just an outcome that I was after. And I just hit one outcome and I'd hit it and be like, Hmm, okay. Well, I like, I was in such a hurry to just get to the next one. Now, part of that to some degree is like, if you're, you know, if, if you identify as a high achiever, um, there's some part of you that's wired that way.

30:08 Right. I mean, you know, Tom Brady, when Tom Brady won the super bowl, you know, he might fuck around for like 24 hours before, you know, he's, he's back at the practice facility, like figuring out how the hell he can win another one. Um, And I think that there's, I think there's something to that, but I, but I think that the miss, I would never tell anyone to like be satisfied. Um, I would never tell anyone to stop going for the next thing, but I would say like, I've certainly learned the hard way that, you know, the, the, the journey is far more valuable and important than the destination. And we can definitely fall into a trap there.

30:49 Um, yeah, One other thing that I would say on this one, too, is just that when we think about achievement versus satisfaction, I think one of the things we also just have to look at is, especially in the context of where our time and energy is going, do the goals that you set, do they actually align with the current version of yourself, circling back to identity? Yeah. Because, you know, sometimes we get into a spot where we start chasing something and we change and evolve along the way. And, you know, especially if you are kind of a, you know, hard charging, high achiever type person, oftentimes you buckle down and you just keep going because you said you would.

31:38 Not because it really matters to you anymore. So that's something to check in on as you journal on this one as well. Yeah, it's one of those pieces of what are we doing? Why are we doing it? And I think so many times we just do what we've been told or what we've been conditioned or what we think needs to be done. So if I was there with you, I'd be giving you a high five. Yeah, why? Why? Like really digging on the why. There's so much magic in the why. There's so many times when we get into the why and we go, why the hell am I doing that? It's like, I'm going to stop doing that behavior. That does not serve me. Huh. I've been asleep at the wheel.

32:19 You got to watch Matrix. Yep. We got a lot of movie. I'm clearly in need of some movies, man. What? Yes. 100% for sure. I've been thinking about the Matrix a lot lately. So good. Yeah, I agree. Well, so as we're looking at this whole construct of time and understanding that it is qualitative and not quantitative, yeah. Uh, three things specifically that, that, uh, we can identify, we identify a whole lot more than three, but three that we want to highlight today in terms of areas that you ought to be paying attention to the silent, the silent killers. Uh, number one is, is just hanging out too much to dovetailing from something we just talked about hanging out too much in the comfort zone.

33:05 Um, yeah. this is one dude that, that just honestly, it really is the silent killer at the end of the day. We're good enough is, is just good enough. And I, there's this clip that, um, there's a clip of, uh, Ray Lewis. And I don't, I'm never watching this, the, the video of the clip. I'm always hearing it on like one of my YouTube motivation compilations that I'm listening to while I'm working out. Um, yeah, But he has this phrase where he says something about how he's pissed off for greatness. Right?

33:46 And the thing is, how much time right now, as we're continuing this audit, how much time are you hanging out in your comfort zone? Right. How much time are you spending in that zone where good enough is good enough? We cannot say exactly what the book is, but you and I both got an early copy of a really amazing book that we're both very obsessed with right now that is going to be phenomenal when it comes out. But essentially, it's really... It's talking a lot about the fact that we settle too much for goals that are possible and we waste our time on goals that are possible literally because of the fact that the more impossible it is, the more pointed and clear we can get about what we need to do to get there.

34:43 What are the activities that we're going to be doing? What are the activities that we won't do? All of that kind of stuff. Yeah. And I think it's all... That conversation is always a really important shot in the arm for me. Because I think that, especially if you're pretty good, it's super easy to just... be pretty good. You know, even when most people suck, it's even more dangerous. If you suck, you're either totally not aware of it at all. We know some of those folks. And, but there are a lot of people that are super aware. Goggins talks a lot about the fact how hyper aware of like how unintelligent he was as a kid, how much he struggled with learning.

35:30 Um, And I think that that sometimes, you know, now you're like, oh, okay, well, if I really want to be great, like I got this big gap. But man, when you are good or pretty good, above average, oh, it's the biggest danger zone. Biggest danger zone. It also becomes that piece of beware the company you keep because you're playing it safe. It probably also means that you have a peer group that is either not fueling you or they're not calling to a higher version of yourself, which means they're blowing smoke up your skirt, which means you need a new peer group. You need somebody who's going to call it tight and go, hey, you need to level up.

36:11 Yep. So, yeah, well, and no, go ahead. Go ahead. If you had more. I was going to say, I want to, I want to hear the second, the second piece. Cause I know you mentioned it briefly earlier. Cause I know that this one hits home on in your world and I know this one hits home for me too, but I want to hear, I want to hear your take on it before I, I drop sprinkles on it. Well, it's speaking of peer group, the second silent killer being a people pleaser. I said it earlier. And I think it's number one, like feeling like you've got to when we go back to time and the way that you structure your day, how much of your day are you being reactive? How much of your day are you being the dog on the leash on somebody else's leash?

36:56 Yeah. where you're constantly reacting to emails, not setting very clear priorities for things that you need to get done. And in addition to that, it's also... I mean, I... Jeez, man. I feel like I probably like I have wasted. I don't know. Easily, easily over 50% of my life. Easily. And when I say that, I mean, in terms of hours spent in my life, it's probably honestly, if I'm being totally transparent, I would say it's even more than that. maybe it's even closer to 75% of my life, I have wasted chasing around other people's priorities, other people's visions for who I should be, what the timelines should be for my success, what should be important to me, what should not be important to me.

37:51 And honestly, as I say that, it is a little bit... I don't do a whole lot of regret these days. But it is a little bit sad for me to sit here and say that at 46 years old, it was only recently, really. I'd say in the last five, six years that I started to come out of that pit of... I want to talk to other people's shit because I I've witnessed it in you and I've seen you hold boundaries and how much I've seen over the last. Even if I look at the last 18 months, dude, you've massively stepped up how intentional you are, your calendar, who gets your time, how they get your time and making sure that your priorities are way more in alignment.

38:38 So, you know, I'm sure you and I probably could we could battle out for who gets the gold medal on on most burnt hours. Yeah. but, uh, yeah, having that awareness and kind of going, okay, enough is enough. And I need to live for something different than making my, my goal, not to make other people happy because I can't control their happiness, but to live for something bigger that would bring you something far beyond the people pleasing, not, not pleasing somebody, but doing something fucking great. Um, I can see that in you where I, it's very apparent that you're living for something way bigger. So, yeah, Well, thank you for that. And I think that there have been massive, massive, massive shifts.

39:23 But I think right now, if you heard what I just said, and you got that little, you know, that little twinge, that little pit in your stomach right now... Take it seriously because the third silent killer is what I call when-then syndrome. When blank happens, then I'll blank. Someday, well, you know, one of these days I'd like to blank. Yeah. Um, you know, this is one in particular that I, it is incessant, man. It's absolutely incessant. And I want to ask you about this personally, because obviously you've had kind of a very clear realization around this, you know, uh, with some of the stuff that you've been going through lately.

40:11 But I think this is one of those deals where there's always some day until there's not, um, You know, and if we're going to literally one of my favorite sayings about life is Thoreau and the whole idea of, you know, sucking the marrow out of life. If we're literally going to suck the marrow out of life, we can't go someday on this motherfucker. Right. We got to get after it. We've got to believe that there is no someday. If it's not today, it's not likely to happen kind of a mentality. And yeah, it's probably killed more dreams than anything else I've ever seen other than just I'm afraid.

41:02 Yeah. What's that saying? The road to someday leads to a land called never. Never. Right. And it's like this whole piece of it's so easy for us to push things off and to push things off and to push things off and to push things off. And what I can tell you and I'll just leave us with this sentiment because I know we're going to get pinched here. But the one thing as it related to like with my dad that I got to experience this last week when I got to go say my goodbyes. is I was sitting there and I'm going, man, I know there's a lot of years where I held on to my version of my truth and my story and how there was bitterness or there was anger. There was sadness or whatever the story was.

41:44 And in those last moments where I'm like, I've only got... 15 minutes left, 15 seconds left. I'm like, how do I really want this to be? And when I put my hand on his heart, it was, I want him to feel love and I want him to feel forgiveness and I want him to feel the gratitude. And that hit me more than anything else where I'm like, fuck, where else in my life is Can I let go of the someday bullshit and make today that day and get really fucking clear on who I am and how I'm going to play and make the time that's here right now in this moment that instead of all that other bullshit that I've been hanging on to? So it's a. We've got this moment.

42:25 That's it. It's the only guarantee we have. And are we living that best version of ourselves? Are we holding ourselves to that standard of where we're able to play? If it is, fuck yeah, let's go. If it's not, have a real honest conversation. Give yourself that gratitude. Give yourself that forgiveness and get back on purpose. I don't even want to speak after that. We're just going to tie this off right now because that was too good to touch. Thank you for that, brother. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Coaching Equation Podcast. Until next time, be well and go make your fucking life count today, my friends.

43:07 Touche. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Coaching Equation. Please hit subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts. And if you got value out of this episode, we would be so grateful if you would share it out with a friend and leave us a review on iTunes or your favorite platform. To learn more about Empire Partners or to inquire about working with Ryan and Brooke, please visit www.empirepartners.io forward slash go.