Want vs Need: The Freedom Formula Every Coach Must Master

0:01 Welcome to The Coaching Equation, brought to you by Empire Partners and hosted by Ryan Lang and Brooke Bishop. Our mission is to help you build a profitable and impactful coaching business by cutting through the noise and all the expert advice to deliver tried and true actionable insights that you can deploy in your business today. Each week, we bring on expert guests, unveil cutting-edge tactics and strategies, and share the secrets and stories that we've gathered from working with the most successful coaching companies on earth. Welcome back to the Coaching Equation Podcast.

0:41 I'm your host, Ryan Lang, CEO and co-founder of Empire Partners, alongside my co-founder and co-host, Brooke Bishop. And it's good to be back. We took a little hiatus in between episodes, took a couple of weeks off. It's really the first time that we've done that since we started the podcast nearly a year and a half ago. And it was nice to get a little bit of a break and a refresher. And we're coming back with some fire. Look, I'm going to be back to the Coaching Equation Podcast. As we recorded this episode, it was just the weekend after the 4th of July here in the US. And I had a major realization over the weekend that, to be honest with you, made me squirm like big time. Look, I became an entrepreneur because I hated red tape.

1:22 I hated conformity. I wanted freedom in my life and my business to do it the way that I wanted to do it. Yeah. And here's the uncomfortable truth. I'm going to let the cat out of the bag. I am still to some degree building myself another prison. That's what I realized over the weekend. And it's because there are still areas where I'm optimizing based on need instead of want. And when we do that, we create new constraints. And it's a problem that I feel like a lot of us don't even realize we had. It was a definite blind spot for me until I did some digging. So in this episode, Brooke and I are going to dive deep into this whole idea about want versus need, the whole framework, and what separates successful entrepreneurs from everyone else.

2:04 And I'm going to dive deep into this whole idea about want versus need, the whole framework, and what separates successful entrepreneurs from everyone else. and the uncomfortable truth about how to actually get what you want when you get into the mode of wanting. This is a powerful episode as we come back off a little bit of a break. We can't wait to enjoy it with you. Buckle up for this episode of the Coaching Equation Podcast. Welcome back to the Coaching Equation Podcast. I'm your host, Ryan Lang, CEO and co-founder of Empire Partners, alongside my co-founder and co-host, Brooke Bishop. What's up, man? Buenos dias. Well, welcome back. Welcome back to Brooke and to everybody listening. We took a little hiatus.

2:44 Look, we need a break too. Okay, we're humans. Don't, you know. It's summertime. It's summer. Let's just play summer. Yeah, we're not robots, goddammit. We're humans. All right, treat us that way. Really. I mean, we are. So I actually, I was really excited to do this podcast because I had some time to reflect. As we're recording this, we're just on the other side of the 4th of July holiday. And I had a little bit of time to reflect on the concept of freedom. And without being super cheesy, like honestly, just thinking to myself, like, what does freedom actually mean in my business? What does freedom actually really look like in my personal life?

3:28 And one of the things that I kind of kept coming back to is that freedom is a byproduct of, as Dan Sullivan would say, being a really good wanter. Want... is it equates to freedom, need equates to constraint. And it got me thinking like, dang, first of all, there's still, I say so many people, I am still sometimes, quote unquote, afraid or hesitant to want what I really want, which means that I'm afraid to claim freedom in certain areas.

4:12 And yeah. And the more I looked at this, Brooke, it's really interesting. The more I kind of unpacked this concept, I was looking at different areas of my life and my business and stuff like that and realizing that while I am a really powerful creator, there are some areas where I'm still not optimizing based on want. I'm optimizing based on need. and totally throttling my results as a byproduct of that. So I wanted to talk this out with you today because I felt like it was a really powerful concept and something that...

4:54 You know, we've been talking a lot this year about like, what are you optimizing for? What, you know, what's the thing that's driving the actions, the behaviors, the decisions that you're making? And if it's based on need, you're going to get one set of outcomes. If it's based on want, you're going to get another set of outcomes. I love this topic and I love that. I love that you've been contemplating these pieces. I think it's interesting, man, because like when when we're kids, we're predominantly looking out the front window of our vehicle of life. Right. So the younger we are, the bigger the vision is because we don't have any references in the rearview mirror at this point. So as we live and we take turns and we hit speed bumps and we have flat tires, or maybe we, some of us get in a car accidents.

5:41 I think over the course of time, we start to look more in the rear view mirror than we are in the front window. Yeah. And I think it really jades what it is that we go after and what we create. And, you know, just as it relates to it, it's like whatever our paradigm of realistic or possible is. Mm hmm. Then you start to stack what do we believe we're worthy of? Oh, yeah. Or, you know, I love your concept, too, of like optimizing what is. It's like if we're optimizing for what is, we're just trying to make what we currently, like whatever our current experience is, slightly better. Yeah. Yeah. And for some that might be okay, but I feel, I mean, personally, I feel like it's fricking limiting compared to what our capacities are and the impact we can have and the people we could reach.

6:32 You know, for reference, a very polarizing character, Ooh, this is going to set fire to anyone who's listening to this episode. You look at somebody like Elon Musk, see people are already swerving off the road right now. Yeah. If you look at forget about his political perspective or any of those things, but you can't take away from the fact that this dude is he's playing in a different realm of paradigms. Like in terms of what he's trying to do with the business stuff or whether it's housing or whether it's getting to Mars or making internet available for everyone around the globe. Like there's just such a big thinker that's inside of his head.

7:14 Yeah. It's like, when was the last time we dreamed that way? When was the last time we played that way? What, what, what traumas have, or what speed bumps have we run over again and again and again? We've let ourselves believe that we're not worthy or we're not capable of doing something crazy. Yeah. So that's so true. And I think that also it speaks to kind of when you talk about somebody like Elon, he's a polarizing example of what a very, you know, of what a powerful entrepreneur looks like. And I think it's one of the things that especially as we have this conversation in the context of a lot of people who walk into the coaching industry, we've talked about the fact that The biggest shift you're going to have to make is going from practitioner to transformational leader.

8:03 Well, part of becoming a transformational leader is optimizing for things that go beyond the traditional employee mindset. And that really is entrepreneurship in a nutshell, right? It's one of those reasons why so many people look at people like us and go, Oh, no, no. No, you can't do that. No, you can't wait. You can't play it that way. You know? Life doesn't work that way. And we even hear it to your point. We have so much of this stuff embedded, depending on how we were brought up or what we were brought to believe.

8:44 I look at something, a very powerful example of that. We can all think of limitations. We all have something limiting that we were given, something limiting. at some point by someone early on that we clung to or still cling to. And a lot of times it's around things like money or opportunity or the way the world works and stuff like that. But I feel like you don't hear as often about the examples of people who receive something that was more powerful or opened up doors instead of closing them when they were younger. One of my favorites, by the way.

9:26 I have to go on a total tangent about this, but Sarah Blakely, uh, for those of you that don't know Sarah. Yeah. She's amazing. Uh, she is the founder of Spanx, um, married to another amazing human Jesse Itzler and Sarah tells this story often about how, when she was a kid, her dad used to, you know, uh, used to ask her like every night, like, how, how did you fail? Yeah. And if she didn't have a good answer, and more importantly, I believe if I'm not mistaken, it's been a little bit since I've heard her tell the story. But if memory serves me correctly, it wasn't just have a good answer. But it was like, if you didn't fail enough times that day, that was the thing that got you in the doghouse.

10:13 Now you condition that in a human and now all of a sudden, if optimizing for failure is what we're doing, holy shit, literally everything becomes possible because I'm just going to go screw it up a bazillion times and try it. Whatever. Yeah. So it's funny. The first time I heard her share that story too, it was, it was awesome. And then, yeah, if anybody hasn't seen Jesse, it's like, Holy crap. He is a, he is a character of a human being. He's awesome. But yeah, there's, there's so much magic in the concept of just playing big, failing big, learning from it and continuing to move. Um, I think so many times, especially again, the more we age, um, we get caught in this whole rut of timelines and how much time we have or how much time things will take.

11:04 Or we also, I think, buy into this other thing, just since you mentioned employee mindset, there's this whole belief of if I'm going to be an entrepreneur, I want to work employee hours. Good luck with that. Yeah. Right. Or I want to be an entrepreneur because to use your word, right? You wanted freedom. Right. I don't know about the mass majority of people out there, but when you get into business on your own, you have way less freedom than you do when you're a employee for a company. Yep. It's true. And what's interesting about that is that you talk about the concept of time and those two things, you know, kind of meet each other in the middle and have a fight where it's like, I think I'm going to get this life of freedom.

11:48 And yet I have this like very linear concept of time and how long this is supposed to take. Uh, those things, by the way, never match up ever. I don't, I don't know that I've ever talked to any entrepreneur or business owner who's like, yeah, well, you know, I figured, you know, I jump into this and, you know, after six months, I'd be good. And they're like, yeah, and I was. Never, ever. It does not work that way. Well, you know, what's interesting about this too, though, I, in the concept of entrepreneurship and freedom, what really got me was when I started recognizing some of these areas of freedom.

12:30 you know, my life or even in our business where I was still optimizing on need instead of want. I got into, you know, I wanted to become an entrepreneur. I became an entrepreneur specifically because I hated conformity. I hated the red tape. I hated being told the way that things had to be. And interestingly enough... I'm going to say something that might be somewhat controversial here, but when we're optimizing based on need, I believe we just build ourselves another prison. Because literally a focus on need is an immediate no to what you want.

13:12 Whereas a focus on want literally assumes the fulfillment of any true need. Yeah. That's actually a lot to digest. Yeah, there's... It's so fascinating because I think so many times we don't let ourselves want... Right. Like we don't, we don't allow ourselves to dream anymore because we're more scared of, of not having it happen or, you know, I bit off more than I can chew. Or I think what a lot of people also do is they get more concerned with protecting what they have, whether it's resources or time or whatever it might be, instead of actually getting clear of what is it that they truly desire and what are they willing to let go of in order to get it?

13:59 You know, it's, It's fascinating. It's something that you said a moment ago triggered a thought from back in the day, back when we were at Buffini and company. So they had a personality assessment called Heritage Profile. I've probably told you about it a bazillion times, but for anyone who hasn't heard about it, it's basically like Myers-Briggs on steroids. Freaking amazing tool. And they've never made it available like a la carte on its own, which drives me nuts. But nonetheless, totally getting off the tracks here. The thing that was fascinating, the number one attribute that they had for people who are entrepreneurs... was at the top of the list was like something like 80% of people who became in business on their own were free spirits.

14:44 The number one thing that free spirits needed in order to be successful was structure, accountability, and community. And so it was wild because you had this group. I mean, there was shit. How many coaches we had? We had 350 coaches when I was there. So this was a long time ago, but they were the largest coaching company on earth. Right. So you take that many and they were all working with independent contractor solopreneurs. Right. Yeah. 80%. where free spirits didn't want to work for somebody else, didn't want to be constrained, didn't want to have somebody else telling them what to do. Yet the number one thing that they all needed was somebody holding their ass accountable, somebody telling them what to do, somebody holding their feet to the fire.

15:28 And so I think we all, we all have this burning desire to be greater, to do more. But I think there's this tipping point where we get so caught in the doing this and we've let go of that beingness of like, what did I really actually want this to be? And I know we've been guilty of it at times. Like we get caught in the day-to-day of the to-do lists that go. But it's, I'm glad you brought this to the forefront. Cause I know we've had a lot of different shakeups in life in these last couple of weeks that have forced us to take a step back and go, what do I really actually want? Yeah. And is it a must? I think that backup question is also another powerful one.

16:08 Yes, 100%. Because if, you know, this goes back to... setting up the rules of the game, like truly, literally optimizing for one thing or the other. And if I'm optimizing for something that I want and I decide internally that it's a must, because that's the key. That is such a... I love what you just said because it's the little bolt-on to this that has to happen in order for... you know, like true powerful wanting to actually, you know, bring things to life.

16:51 If it's not a must, and guess what? Most of the things that you want are not a must. Right. And here's the other part. So true. Like, it's not anybody else's responsibility to set up your environment so that your wants, like, come true. It's yours. And so now we have to make it our responsibility if we want it that badly to figure out why it's a must and why it's a must for us. And that's something I think is really important, dude, is that we talk a lot about... And I think this... I personally am a big believer that in the context of goal setting as well, and this is obviously sort of like a bit of a parallel here, but when we are trying to optimize based on external, goal setting is far less powerful than when we're working from an intrinsic place.

17:46 And I think that... Coming from that intrinsic place, as we're talking about what we want, I mean, if we literally just said, man, you know what? I just want a BMW... you know, X5 M with, you know, uh, uh, brown leather interior. And, uh, I want it brand new. I literally want to order it from the factory with the sunroof and the exact rims that I want. And I want that because it's just what I want. And I don't feel guilty about it. Now it's intrinsic.

18:27 And here's the other thing that I believe. And I'm going to say this. Some people right now are like, wow, like I couldn't really want that. Like I'd feel guilty. I'd feel like I'm doing something wrong. Here's something that I want to give a concept that I'm not going to call it right or wrong, but I'm just going to tell you what I believe. I'm interested in your thoughts on this too, bro. But if you're listening to this right now, let this sink in and see what you think. I believe wholeheartedly that if God puts, if God, the universe puts a true desire in our heart, I believe that the things that we're able to have... that people create out of beauty and love and insight and brilliance in the world, no matter how expensive or extravagant they are or we perceive them to be, I believe that they were made for us to actually go enjoy.

19:23 I don't believe... that we would have the inkling to want it if, you know, as long as we know that we're coming from a place of integrity and service in our daily lives and acting as a good human being, you know, because obviously you could play devil's advocate here and go, well, you know, what about the person who, you know, wants to do something really bad? Well, okay, now you're coming from, you're coming from a different position, from a different platform. But coming from a place of true authenticity and striving to the highest version of yourself, I don't believe that God and the universe can put something in there that isn't truly for your highest good to go get it.

20:09 I actually fully agree with you on this one. I think I agree with you on a lot of things. But it was interesting because being in the world of Tony for so long, there was a lot of people that came into that space that were like, oh, well, Tony's so rich. He should be giving away all of his events for free. He should be giving all of his coaching away for free. He should be giving away all these things for free. And the thing that was fascinating, because being in his orbit, I can't tell you how many times we'd be literally driving on the freeway and he'd pull over because he'd see somebody homeless and he'd want to give them money. Yeah. Or we'd go to the movie theater and he'd pay for everybody in Lyons popcorn or like just different acts of kindness that were there.

20:53 And there's something that was really interesting that he said, because I'm sure you can probably imagine being in his shoes. There's going to be judgment no matter what, because of just the type of life that he's lived. His whole thing was, he's like, if I have more money, I can do more good. He's like, there's a lot of people that have a lot of money that don't do good. So the intention becomes paramount in the whole experience of it. So it really comes down to like, why? The other part is if we look in the grand scope of humanity, money has only been around for a few thousand years. Like if you really think about it. And yet we've got all these twisted beliefs around it. It's only taken a couple of generations to screw us up as it relates to that side of the coin.

21:34 But if we polarizing character, we talked about a moment ago with Elon Musk. It could be said that he's done a lot of damage to the earth. It can also be said that he's helped millions of people, billions of people. So there's this dynamic of... What is your intention? Now, does it mean that we'll be perfect? Does it mean that there's not going to be opposites to the effects that we have? At the end of the day, what is the experience we have and why? I mean, if we were put here on this earth to go without, that almost defeats the purpose of being alive, in my opinion. I totally agree. And I would also say this. I would take this one step further. I love your comment around money and kind of how it can get misconstrued.

22:18 I would actually argue that when we talk about money – I believe that that conversation is much more rooted in need. When we talk about wealth, I believe that that conversation is much more rooted in want. Yeah. Love that. And I think that it can be very easy. Again, it's conditioning around... If we were taught certain things about money, that's what we're likely going to talk about. And I think... One of the things too for this is that I...

23:01 I think one of the greatest freedoms we could – and we have the power to give this to ourselves, which is what's absolutely beautiful because it truly actually makes it free. It doesn't come without a price. But we have the opportunity with no barrier to give this to ourselves, which is suspending any judgment around what we truly, deeply, intrinsically want in life. And that's where I feel... I feel like it can get really easy to get into a spot like you were kind of talking about earlier, where even when you're out playing this game of entrepreneurship and you've been doing it for a while and you're out there, you know, even in a space like we are and most of you listening in a space of personal development and going out and trying to work on yourself and doing all of these things consistently.

23:59 It's still easy. to let old programming or to have certain things that maybe you're not truly doing or getting what you really, really want. And you're settling for what you need at the end of the day. I think, too, that there is a... I, you know, I'm obsessed with identity and I think this is definitely a big identity piece. I like to use the analogy of our words and our thoughts, you know, kind of being the hammer and the identity is the nail. And we're just every time we say that saying or we think that thought and we don't check ourselves, we're just hammering that nail further into the wood until it becomes a piece of it.

24:46 Well, in this case, what's really interesting is that there is a massive cost for apologizing for what you want. Because every time you do it, every time you do it, you tell yourself that you're wrong. And every time that you decide that you want something else, you will self-sabotage. It's inevitable. Until you release that, you self-sabotage yourself and you keep asking yourself, why is it that I never get what I want? Well, if you're hammering that nail into the wood every day, pretty tough to make that happen.

25:27 that's it's it's uh dude so for anyone who's seen the secret which has been a long long time so wild i think it's i think that might even be more than 20 years old now which is i think you're right yeah it's been a hot minute i'm like what the what um we've gotten a chance to work with many of the people that were in that show many of which are no longer alive which is crazy um But it's fascinating. So getting to work with John Asarif. So for anybody who's seen it, he was the gentleman who had the vision board. And then fast forward in time, he was cleaning out his attic and his son had come up and he started. So John started crying because he was looking at his vision board from years before.

26:08 And he hadn't even realized he was living in the house that was on his vision board. And he never even connected the dots. Yeah. And his son was like, why are you crying? And he like showed him the vision board. And then he realized like all the things that were on that board he had, he had accomplished. It was crazy because fast forward in time, got to work with John. And there, there's this, this incredible piece. And this is both from John as well as from Tony's world. For a lot of people who struggle to dream and to play big and really think of what it is that they want, and this might be a masculine approach for it, but I've just seen so many times that it helps people narrow the scope. But getting really clear of what are the categories of life that you want to see improve in yourself, right?

26:48 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At a high like bird's eye view, like, oh, is it wealth? Is it business? Is it finances? Is it relationship? Is it your health? Is it like at a big, broad spectrum of things? And then getting clear with, and this is the tricky piece without the timeline. It's the hardest part because people go, how much work is that going to be and how much time? And we, we get ourselves bent around the axle because we put this timeline on it. And just when you take away that time constraint, it is crazy what our brain will come up with in terms of experiences we'd like to have or things we'd like to accomplish or people we would like to help or impact we would like to have on this planet.

27:28 When you take the time card out of it and you go, yeah. what is it that I actually really would love to do? Like let the mind run free. And it's like, as I'm saying this, I'm like, shit, I need to do this again too. Yeah. do again. This is why we do this, by the way. I know, seriously. It's so good. I know what my homework is this week, but there, there's so much power in not only getting clear on the categories, getting the specificity of the impact and the things you want to do, then getting the visuals and making it real. Um, I saw a picture of my vision board from back when I was 17 and, uh, and Mark had me do that, that first vision board. Yeah. It was actually before the secret had come out.

28:09 But in doing that, dude, there's so much on that board that I've knocked out over the course of time, like huge things. And I'm just like, dude, that's freaking crazy. And there's magic in even just revisiting the things. Because a lot of times we look in the speed bumps in the rear view mirror. Yep. When we hit those big bumps, they tend to stand out in our... You know, we're looking at rearview mirror. It takes up a way bigger space than it should. And we have to condition ourselves to look back and go, oh, yeah, there's some really magical things that we did back there that blew my mind or things that were way above and beyond whatever I thought was possible in crazy amounts of time that I didn't think was ever going to be realistic.

28:50 Yeah. Yep. So it's like, hell yeah, let's play bigger. Let's go bigger. Let's also call everybody else who's around us to play bigger. I mean, shit, for anybody who's listening, if you're a coach, this is our job. This is why they hire us. That's why they pay us. Yep. Yep. Yeah. And I, you know, I think to that point, you talk about some of the stuff in the rear view mirror. And I think that so often when we stop ourselves from wanting, we're doing it because... We craft a belief in the moment around what's possible. And oftentimes we do that without going back to your point and collecting the treasure in our past of all the things that we've accomplished that we never thought we were going to accomplish and we never thought were possible.

29:38 Down to the smallest little thing, you know. Yeah. There is so much in our past that we can look back on in terms of things that we've accomplished and things that we've done and places we've gone that we never thought we would. When we bring that forward, it becomes very, very powerful. The other thing that I'll say is this. Just the same way, here's one thing that's beautiful. A lot of us... you know, I did not grow up understanding that what I was given when I was younger was informing who I was at one time. I didn't understand that.

30:18 There was nobody that explained it to me. I hadn't read a whole bunch of self-development books or anything like that. I didn't get that. I didn't understand that. And... As I look backward on that, and when I finally came to really recognize like, hey, my state of being is going to be literally who I am today is a perfect symphony of everything that I've been through, every person in my life, all the things I've done, all the things that I haven't done, all of the things that have happened around me, all of it.

31:01 It's a perfect symphony. But when I really realized that, I think the thing that was most exciting to me was recognizing that just because those things informed who I was doesn't mean they have to inform who I am or who I become. And that's the other part. If you're listening to this right now, you might be listening and going, man, my past is fucked. Ryan, you don't want to go backwards. You don't want to look at that. I haven't done shit. I guarantee you have. But I haven't done anything that's exciting or anything that's truly of the magnitude of the things that I want to be able to do, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah.

31:42 what are you surrounding yourself with? And more importantly, who are you surrounding yourself with? Because one of those things, I can guarantee you, somebody like Elon doesn't become somebody like Elon by hanging out with a whole bunch of people who are consistently talking about what's not possible. It doesn't work that way most of the time. Every once in a while, there's like an outlier, right? But more often than not, people like that start to get around other people that are thinking big and dreaming big and asking questions instead of making statements and instead of making themselves the prison, opening themselves up to all the possibilities.

32:26 And when that happens, that's when things get crazy. I can tell you, I know one of the things, I mean, you and I have talked about this some, but one of the reasons why I'm really passionate about continuing to be a part of our own mastermind groups, fuck, we just joined one last week. But one of the reasons I'm passionate about this is I want to be around people who are doing things and thinking about things that make me go, oh, shit. I am not thinking big enough. Like, whoa, I like, I got to level up my game, you know? Um, and I think there's, I think there's serious magic in that.

33:08 Well, our, our, our paradigm is our greatest predictor, right? So it's, it's part of the magic of when you're around people who play so big, I mean, to quote my mother going back in time, you know, show me your friends. I'll show you your future. Right. Hmm. Right. And it's like there's so much truth in that resonance and what we believe is possible. And if for anybody who's listening, if yours, if your peer group is playing small, if your family members that you spend all your time with are playing small, if your friends, if that where your time is being spent is around people who see everything that can't be done. You need to get into a different room. You've got to get around a different group of human beings because it is a very big world.

33:52 And there's a whole lot of people that need help. And dear Lord, if you're going, if your vision is based around your own income goals, you're playing way too freaking small. Just put it that way. Yes, 100%. 100%. I think about... I think especially over the last couple of years, I went through a period where I was really... By some people in my life, I was told... I was made to feel guilty about certain things that I wanted. You shouldn't want that. Why do you need that? Why is that necessary? Why can't you just be satisfied with what you have? oh my gosh, I can't ever imagine having a house that big.

34:34 That's just extravagant, you know, blah, blah, blah. But I think to this point, I look at somebody to, you know, Ed Milad is somebody I reference often. And I reference him because I have a deep respect for not just who he is as a human being, but what he's built, what he's had to overcome to build it. Um, you know, his, his commitment to, you know, what he does day in and day out. Um, and also he inspires me. The motherfucker bought an Island. Yeah. This is where when I catch myself in moments like this, you know, like this past weekend when I was recognizing a few areas where I'm like, son of a bitch, I got caught just optimizing on need and not want.

35:29 And Ed Milet's buying islands. What in the shit? What am I doing? And not that you have to, not that that's what this should be about. But here's the point. What I love about this and the point that I'm going to make about, you know, somebody like Ed Milet and an island as an example, is I guarantee you. Ed Milet bought that island and did it feeling just fine about doing it. I know that he'll also say, because he says it all the time. I mean, yeah, like, do I need that? No, of course I don't need it. But I wanted it, you know, and it's something that brings me great joy.

36:14 And that's the thing. If somebody like that can do it, why can't, why are, here's a question, because I'm asking this of myself, speaking of homework, I've been working through this and I don't, I still, I'm not sure I have an answer to it yet, but I've been asking myself, like, why am I not worthy of that? Because I'm the one who's deciding that. Why do I think that I'm not worthy of wanting something that big? question to ask yourself if you're finding yourself in that spot. Yeah. Nah, dude. It's a, there's this piece of the resources and resourcefulness.

36:55 Like we talk about this so often in so many ways. And yeah, when the, when the vision and the dream is big enough and we put ourself into alignment with it and we make it a must, And we hold onto it and we let go of how the hell we're going to get there. That's the other tricky. But just going after it with every single thing that we've got. Yep. Yeah. Why not? Well, yeah, exactly why not. And one of the things I just thought I'd mention about this too is that, because I'd be remiss if I didn't say it, one of the things that probably has been the most uncomfortable finding for me, the more that I have studied this, and it's something I'd say I've studied quite a bit over the last couple of years, especially, is, But probably one of the more uncomfortable findings for me, to be honest with you, is that I always believed that getting what... Actually getting.

37:57 Let's just say that we become a good wanter, right? And now it comes down to, okay, I'm wanting and I've let go of the judgment around that. But now I have to actually go get what I want, right? I always used to believe that getting what I want has more to do with... the things I'm going to do, or the things I have to go get, or the things I have to go create. And the most uncomfortable finding for me is the recognition that getting what I want has way more to do with what I'm not going to do, with what I'm going to let go of, with what I'm going to say no to, with the people that can no longer be on the bus.

38:44 I like when I figured that out, it was like, oh, no. I'm squirming in my seat just talking about it right now. It makes me horribly uncomfortable. I do not like it. Somebody's got a high eye on their profile. Right? But it's true. And I think that's one of those things is that once we get to the point where we actually want to go get what we want now, we really have to look at... We really have to look at the idea of what do I have to let go of in order to get what I want? And where is my floor right now?

39:26 And how do I have to raise that floor in order to get there? I love that. Yeah, dude, it's way scarier of what am I willing to lose in order to gain versus, yeah, I mean, and again, I think that's why so many just putting ourselves in into the frame of this, you go back to your early 20s when you're not married, not don't have kids, don't have a house, don't have all the responsibilities. It's like sky's the limit. I'm taking on the world. As soon as you start putting those pieces, those chess pieces on the board, it's like, wait a minute. But what if I fail? But what if I this? What if I that? And this goes back to that concept of what am I trying to save versus what am I trying to create? Yep. Yeah. But I totally agree with that.

40:08 I totally agree with that. So, you know, as we're talking this through, I want to encourage you, if you've been listening to this while you're walking or driving or working out or whatever you're doing, you I want to encourage you to... I want to leave you with a couple of questions that I really want to encourage you to think about. I mean, number one, let's just think about this. Be ultra real and raw with yourself. Sit down with a piece of paper and a pen or your phone, whatever you like to do. And jot down, where are the areas of my life where I'm optimizing on need instead of want? Where am I optimizing on need instead of want? And by the way, to put this just slightly differently, different language, but probably language that we, especially in the coaching world, hear a lot.

40:55 Where am I optimizing for scarcity? Instead of abundance. Because by the way, that's the difference there. Need, scarcity, want, abundance. Yep. Secondly, what do you think would become possible for you in each of these areas? When you find the areas where you... And you will. You're going to find, I guarantee you, at least one where you're optimizing on need right now. What would become possible if you started optimizing on want and stopped apologizing for what you really want? What becomes possible at that point? And lastly, the big nasty question, the one that's going to make you squirm in your seat while you're listening to this, what do you got to let go of?

41:42 To actually get what you want once you allow yourself to have it. I can promise you if you take some time to answer those questions, you're going to put yourself in a place where you can start pointing your compass directly in the direction of what you want. And it may not happen overnight because look, a lot of this shit is embedded pretty deeply in us. I know that for me, I'm working through this process. This is something you and I continually talk about in our business and continue to do what we can to work through it. It's asking the questions at the end of the day and being honest in the answers and then taking inspired action after that.

42:26 If we don't do anything with it, the questions really don't matter. Now you're just left with knowledge that you're not going to act on. But if you're willing to do something with it, you literally have the opportunity to live in the 1% of the people in the world. I love it, dude. Well, dude, thank you for bringing this whole process, concept, philosophical perspective to the fold. Because, yeah, I know I needed this and I know I need to recalibrate and I know what I'm going to be. I'm going to be digging into those three questions. So it's going to happen. Dude, well, thank you for indulging me, because honestly, this is it's cathartic for me to talk this out here. And I hope this has been... I hope this has been valuable for you as you're listening to this.

43:08 And thank you once again for listening to this episode of the coaching equation podcast. I want to say before we end this, we're so grateful for each and every one of you that, that take the time to listen to this show that are working on yourselves, that trust us. to deliver something of value to you. It means the absolute world to us, especially in the context of conversations like this, because this, I can promise you, is definitely something that we want and not something that we need. So on that, until next time, take care. Take care, everybody. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Coaching Equation. Please hit subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts.

43:50 And if you got value out of this episode, we would be so grateful if you would share it out with a friend and leave us a review on iTunes or your favorite platform. To learn more about Empire Partners or to inquire about working with Ryan and Brooke, please visit www.empirepartners.io forward slash go. .